Blue Eyed Behemoth gets his own Topic!

Yeah buddy.

Jonesy's Info:
Kirk Jones (prefers KirkyBaby) aka MATT aka ZACK aka... etc.
705-874-2368
Bsmt 972 Silverdale Rd, Peterborough, ON


Adolf Hitler's mother died under the care of a Jewish doctor... One thing led to another... And the United States dropped two atomic bombs on the sovereign nation of Japan.

Though another year has passed it is soon to be your last,
Happy Birthday, Happy birthday.
Doom and gloom and dark despair, people dying everywhere
Happy Birthday, Happy birthday.
May the candles on your cake burn like cities in your wake
Happy Birthday, Happy birthday.
Theres a lesson you must learn, first you pillage then you burn
Happy Birthday, Happy birthday.
Burn the castle, storm the keep, kill the men BUT SAVE THE SHEEP!
Happy Birthday, Happy birthday.
While you eat your birthday stew, we will loot the town for you
Happy Birthday, Happy birthday.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, lube would be IT.
The long term benefits of lube have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, don't waste it on iVid.
Never mind. It's too late.
But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself, probably nude taken from someone on here,
and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.
You are NOT as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future; those naked videos of you won't circulate.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Don't sing on cam. No one wants to hear that.
Don't waste your time on Mr Rand0m or Zee; You'll never understand them.
Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Forget it.
You won't find the girl of your dreams on here, unless you're Davey, he's a special cat.
The most interesting people I know didn't come from here.
Get plenty of calcium.
Get off your @$$, you'll miss the days you could.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.
But you will not find what you're looking for on here.
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself on anything you accomplish on this site. You're stupid if you think you've accomplished anything here.
Your body, don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Don't slut it up.
Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, don't get naked on this site.
However, if you do find some chick to get naked for you, don't waste it. You'll miss it when it's gone.
Don't get attatched, they'll just forget you.
Get to know your parents, they stick with you longer than the 5H1T5 on this site.
Understand that friends come and go, but Jonesy will always be on this f@#%in' site.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in the subtle changes in his name, because one day you'll accidently see his baby dick if you don't.
If you meet someone from here in person, don't expect them to be social.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, people are socially inept, you will waste your time, you too will get old like Jonesy,
and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young, you could get anyone.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you when you make fun of someone.
Unless they're a ho bag and deserve it.
Ali is not as attractive as he leads you to believe.
Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look gramps.
Be careful whose advice you buy.
Seriously, the s#$%heads on here never really know what they're talking about.
But trust me on the lube.

(_!_) Normal Ass; (!) Tight Ass; (__!__) Wide Ass; (_?_) Dumb Ass; (_e=mc²_) Smart Ass; (_$_) Cheap Ass; (_x_) Kiss Ass; (_._) Flat Ass; (_%_) Average Ass

ლ(⊙益⊙ლ) Y U NO SPESHAL LIKE M3!?!?

I am a mulitlingual illiterate, I can't read in many languages.

Some say he's contracted every STD known to man, and that he has inflatable breasts to get him out of speeding tickets. All we know is, he's called Daveyy.

Some say that she's a C.I.A. experiment that went wrong, and that she only eats cheese and beer. All we know is, she's called frenchie.

Some say that on really warm days he sheds his skin, like a snake, and for some reason he's allergic to the Dutch. All we know is, he's called Faceless.

Some say his testicles are made from Titanium and that his under-pants are carbon-fiber. All we know is, he's called Opium.

Some say, she's actually dead... But the Grim reaper, is too scared to tell her. All we know is, she's called LivingDeadGurL.

Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his ear wax tastes like Turkish delight. All we know is, he's called Sausage.

Some say that her heart is in upside down, and that her teeth glow in the dark. All we know is, she's called Kyliee.

Some say that his skin has the texture of a dolphin’s, and where ever you are in the world if you tune your radios to 88.4, you can actually hear his thoughts. All we know is, he's called r3v.

Some say that she is terrified of ducks and that there’s an airport in Russia named after her. All we know is, she's called Koolaid.

Some say he once threw a microwave oven at a tramp, and that long before anyone else he realised that Lindsey Lohan was a waste of blood and organs. All we know is, he's called Acee.

Some say that she isn't machine-washable, and all of her potted plants are called Steve. All we know is, she's called blahh.

Some say that she grows a full beard every full moon, and that she has a life size tattoo of her face, on her face. All we know is, she's called UglyDuckling.

Some say that his first name really is 'Fucking'; and that if he went on Celebrity Love Island, they'd all be pregnant including the cameramen. All we know is, he's called FuckingKerdy.

Some say that he once killed a giraffe with just his feet and that he has a black belt in paper maché. All we know is, he's called BlueEyedBehemoth.

Some say he is a supernatural phenomenom, whilst other debate he is merely a contradiction of a pleasant anathema. All we know is, he's called ffs.

Some say she has a digital face, and if she felt like it, she could fire Donald Trump. All we know is, she's called Sage.

Some say that she can hypnotise sheep, and that if she could be bothered, she could swim the Atlantic Ocean... underwater. All we know is, she's called Strawberry.

Some say that her heart ticks like a watch, and that she is confused by stairs. All we know is, she's called Yep.

Some say that her voice can only be heard by cats and that she has two sets of knees. All we know is, she's called Becca.

Some say he never blinks, and that he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves. All we know is, he's called ASharp.

Some say he is 5 foot tall with lead in his feet, others say 6 feet tall with air in his head, but he doesn't care what you say. He's called Douchebag.

Some say she's wanted by the CIA, and that she sleeps upside down like a bat. All we know is, she's called Batgirl.

Some say that he appears on high value stamps in Sweden, and that he can catch fish with his tongue. All we know is, he's called Godric.

Some say she is illegal in 17 US states, and she blinks vertically. All we know is, she's called BriannaBunny.

Some say that his breath smells of magnesium, and that he's scared of bells. All we know is, he's called Nevermore.

Some say she naturally faces magnetic north, and that all her legs are hydraulic. All we know is, she's called Rozz.

Some say that he thinks that the word ”procreate” is someone who is a professional at being creative and that he once attempted to learn how to swim and almost drowned in one foot of water. All we know is, he’s called Mclovin.

Some say that she lives in a tree, and that her sweat can be used to clean precious metals. All we know is, she's called Katherina.

Some say that if he went into space that he would become his own black hole, and if he you put him in the swimming pool he will scream at such a high pitch that only dogs, cats and birds would hear him. All we know is, he's called Chucky.

Some say she can make glass shatter just from blinking, and that her legs are made out of tree limbs. All we know is, she's called Stryker.

Some say his B.A.C. never reaches below .08, and his anus leaks Sweet Tarts while he is singing. All we know is, he's called IvanJoyderpusy.

Some say that she can hear a fly screaming as it gets smooshed, and her hair tastes like Mountian Dew. All we know is, she's called Close.

Some say she she takes her legs off before going to sleep, and her favorite snack food is packing peanuts. All we know is, she's called NathalieB.

Some say his favorite food is Spooge in tomato sause, and that if he could be bothered, he could fit inside of a microwave oven. All we know is, he's called PornCops.

Some say she keeps an inflatable boat in her purse, and that she can sing any song backwards. All we know is, she's called Pohtaytoe.

Some say his hate stems from the fact that Ruben Studdard didn't win American Idol, and his toe nails never grow unless they are fertilized. All we know is, he's called Ali.

Some say she she has a tail due to an extra long tail bone, and that if asked, she could reproduce any bird call. All we know is, she's called Kristie.

Some say she has the ability to fly under water, and that her hair expresses her mood. All we know is, she's called SoCaliChick.

Some say his hair grows mainly on his toenails, and that as a child he tried setting pots and pans on fire. All we know is, he's called Chubbz.

Some say that he has no understanding of training wheels, and by the age of 8 he was able to grow a full beard. All we know is, he's called ChickenED.

Some say he was born out of a gym bag lost in the locker room, and that his favorite food is squirrel brain. All we know is, he's called Irish.

Some say she wrestles bears on the weekend for a challenge, and she is dealthy afriad of raisins. All we know is, she's called Parabola.

Some say she figured out the meaning of life but forgot it in a tragic sewing accident, and she can vomit rainbows on command. All we know is, she's called Pink.

Some say she can kill a man with a piece of paper in the shape of a swan, and that if bothered, she could solve the Da Vinci code in 23 minutes. All we know is, she's called Close.